Welcome to my blog....I started this blog to express my feeling in the life and death of my precious angel, Giovanna Jean. She will always be in our hearts....we love you baby girl!

If you have found my blog because you to have experienced a loss please take a moment to sign my guest book.

I'm writing this blog for me, to express my feelings in this difficult time, if I upset or offend you in anyway, sorry stop reading!

Monday, November 22, 2010

I find myself coming across so many pregnant woman now (I'm not sure, maybe its in the water) and the overwhelming need to "warn" them that babies die. Not that their baby is going to die but that it can happen. It's terrible, I don't want to be that "crazy" lady who rains on their parade but I feel like I was caught so off guard by Giovanna's death.  I thought I was having a baby not a angel. During my pregnancy my biggest concern was that she was going to be a she b/c I bought all these girl clothes, not whether or not she would live. I had 4 babies, one of which had the cord around her neck and one who had a true-knot and they were fine.....why wouldn't she be. There are so many things I wish I would have done...if only I knew she wasn't coming home. I wish I would have been prepared...but can you ever be prepared to bury your baby? I recently read a book by a woman who lost her daughter and while it was a very good read, I'm sure that's where these feelings are coming from; they knew that their baby girl was going to die but they still choose to carry to term. I'm not sure I could have done that, I'd like to think I would have but I don't know. Until your in a situation you never know what you'd do. The faith and strength of the family amaze me, how they cherished every moment they had with their baby before she was ever born. That's what I regret the most, being so miserable during my pregnancy, not realizing how limited my time was with Giovanna, our time as a family...I wish I would have taken the kids to the drs appointments so they could have heard her heartbeat and let them feel her move more. Trying to avoid the heart-ache if something were to go wrong, we didn't even let them in on the pregnancy until it was half way over. I just wish I would have enjoyed it more, alone, with Nick and with the kids. I know I can't change the past, I can look forward to the future trusting in His plan for us.
Psalm 46:2 God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in distress.

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