Welcome to my blog....I started this blog to express my feeling in the life and death of my precious angel, Giovanna Jean. She will always be in our hearts....we love you baby girl!

If you have found my blog because you to have experienced a loss please take a moment to sign my guest book.

I'm writing this blog for me, to express my feelings in this difficult time, if I upset or offend you in anyway, sorry stop reading!


Letters to my baby girl.....

Today you celebrate 14 months with Jesus..14 months that have flown by. It's been a exciting month...you became a 'Big Sister' on Oct 30...Gabriella is a special baby because she has her very own Guardian Angel, you, watching over her. While it makes me sad that you two won't grow up together I know that you will be watching down on her. I think of you daily and wonder what you would be like...who you would take after. I imagine that you would be learning to talk and I'm sure getting into all of your brothers and sisters stuff. I know that they loved you so much and would have been great big brothers and sisters to you. I'm sure my days would be busy running after you, at 14 months you probably wouldn't sit still for long. I think about Halloween that just passed and how much you would have probably enjoyed it, dressing up and getting all that candy you would have even been able to eat some of it. You were such a beautiful baby, I often wonder what you would have looked like, you were a mixture of your brothers and sisters...would you have favored Jaden & Joey or Bailee & Bubba...and whose presonality would you have had. There are so many things I wonder about you and so many memories I wish we could have made. Although you were only here with us for a few hours your memory will live forever in my heart. In those few short hours you taught me more then I ever thought possible. I think of you often and I love and miss you more then anything Baby Girl! Someday I will hold you again!
I Love You, Baby Girl!

Happy 1st Birthday Giovanna Jean!
I can hardly believe that a year has passed since you were born. Some days it seems like yesterday I was holding you in my arms wishing you would cry. I think about you often and wonder what you would look like and what you would be doing. I'm sure you would be walking and maybe even trying to talk (doubtful you would be able to get a word in, in this house though). I'm sure you would be getting into everything by now and all those Legos that your brothers like to play with wouldn't be safe. Words can not even begin to describe how much I miss you and all those memories we would get to make. I hope you enjoyed listening to us sing happy birthday to you today. I want for you to know that no matter how sad we are that you cannot be here with us I am so glad  that you get to be safe in Jesus' arms. I look at your pictures everyday and wish I could hold you for a few more minutes but I know if I got that wish it still wouldn't be enough. Knowing that one day we will be together again gives me great comfort. Always know, Baby Girl, that you are in my thoughts and my heart and I will always know that you are watching over us...our own Angel! Happy1st Angelversary Baby Girl....I love you!

~Baby Girl~ 2/14/11
It doesn't seem right that 5 months have passed without you in our arms...Today should be your first Valentines Day, I would have dressed you up in a cute little Valentines outfit, I'm sure you would have looked so cute. I try to think how big you would be, who you would look like and what you would be doing. I imagine that you would have taken after Jaden and Joey and been small but feisty. I bet you would be trying to sit up by now, surely sleeping through the night. Five months seems so long when you are waiting for something special, when I had 5 months left in my pregnancy with you it seemed so long...I was just announcing my pregnancy and telling everyone we were going to have another baby girl in September joining our family. Now that I have been missing you the last 5 months have flown by, it seems like yesterday I had you in my arms. You have taught me so much in your short life, so much about myself, my family, your dad and life. Your dad has been such a support, if it wasn't for him I know I would have never made it through these last few months, I know he's hurting too but he puts that aside to be there for me. I could never imagine life without one of my children...I didn't have to imagine it, it is my reality....missing my baby every day. As bad, as it hurts I know that you're safe and happy. You truly made me realize that everyday is a gift, I try so hard no to take that for granted. I miss you so much. My live is beginning to settle into a routine of missing you, someday the pain is so bad and others I know I'll be ok. I'm so glad you came into my life, glad that I got to meet you. Even though you were only here for a short time you touched so many people, you will never be forgotten. Tonight your dad and I are validating our marriage for the Catholic Church; it breaks my heart knowing that you should be there with us, in our arms. Even though you will not physically be there, you'll be there in spirit. I love you so much baby girl, not a day goes by that I don't think about you. You're loved and missed by everyone Giovanna Jean.
I love you baby girl,

~Giovanna~ 1/14/11
Your four months old today, sweet baby girl...these last few weeks I've been missing you so much. I think that the shock of your death is gone and the reality has set in. Your not here with us, I don't get to hold you, feed you, kiss you and watch you grow...I miss you so much!
This past month we celebrated Christmas & New Years, although you are not physically here with us you are never far from our thoughts. We decorated a special tree for you this Christmas, it was a beautiful tree decorated in silver and pink bulbs with angels and butterflies. I hope that you were looking down on it knowing how much we love and miss you. Christmas Day was nice but I missed you, I wish you would have been there to enjoy the lights sounds and festivities. Christmas Eve was kind of hard meeting the new babies born this year, knowing that you should have been there too...daddy and I should have been showing off our baby girl too. We celebrated New Years with the Steeles/Halls again this year but unlike last I didn't have that surprise when I woke up New Years Day...last New Years Day we found out that we were expecting you, we were so excited but we kept you a secret for along time because we were afraid of losing you...we lost you anyways.
I try to think about how big you would be and what you would be able to do but I have a hard time remembering, it's been so long since we had a baby. I think you would probably be getting so big, hopefully sleeping through the night, probably trying to roll over. I bet you would smile and giggle at your big brothers and sisters, they would probably fight over you. We took a trip this past weekend to the State Farm Show, I imagine it would have been your first trip to a hotel and probably your first time seeing the animals (even thought we live on a farm its way to cold to take you in our barn) all week-end I couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like with you there. We got a new puppy last week, I keep wondering what you would have thought of her, would you have liked her or cried when she came by you? I think she probably would have amazed you, especially her barking.

I love you so much and miss you more then anything, I can’t believe its been four months since I held you in my arms, oh how I wish I could hold you one more time. I love you baby....I will hold you forever in my heart!
Love you always,

My Precious Giovanna, Dec 14, 2010
Today you are 3 months old. It has been 3 months since I held you in my arms...3 months you've spend in Jesus' arms. I love and miss you so much, we all do. I think about you often, how big you'd be, would you act like Daddy or me. We took your brothers and sisters to a candle light ceremony, honoring all children lost, this past weekend at the hospital you died at, it was the first and last place I got to hold you in my arms, hug and kiss you. As I watched them cry over the loss of you, I know they would have been great older siblings to you. They love you so much, the time we spent together as a family was much to short. You will live forever in our hearts. We spent the day in Pittsburgh, I kept thinking if you were here how different it would be. As the days go by I can't seem to shake the feeling that something is missing, I know that something is you. The closer we get to Christmas the harder it gets, the pain of not having you here with us...you should be here wearing your 'First' Christmas outfit, loving looking at all the pretty lights. As much as I wish you were here celebrating with us, I know that you will have the best Christmas, I can only imagine what a party it will be for Jesus and you get to be part of it. We put up a special tree for you, our 'Angel' tree, I hope when you look down on it from heaven you see the pretty lights and know how much we miss you. You were the most precious baby; you are my precious baby girl. I don’t want your name to always be associated with grief and sadness, I’m just trying to find away past my grief. Sometimes it makes me sad to talk about you but I love talking about you, sharing your story. I don’t EVER want anyone to forget you...your my 5th child, 3rd daughter, sister to Bailee, Jaden, Bubba and Joey....our little Gia. Precious baby girl, I love and miss you more then words can ever say.
I love you baby girl!

Baby Girl, 11-14-10
Today your celebrate your 2nd month in Jesus' arms. I think about you constantly...I wonder who you'd look like, how big you would be, would you be able to laugh and smile at us. I can't believe that 2 months has passed, it seems like yesterday you were snug as a bug in my belly. I wish we could go back to your birthday for just a few minutes so I could hold you in my arms again...love you and kiss you. I wish we would have had more time with you. There are so many things I wanted to show you, tell you, teach you. I know your brothers & sisters love and miss you so much. I'm sure they would have been such good helpers, probably fighting over who got to hold you all the time. We got some pictures of you from the hospital yesterday, they are so beautiful, and you look so peaceful. I wish you were here with us instead of watching over us. You are our precious baby girl and we miss you so much. I wish that love was enough to keep you here because you are so loved by everyone. I'm trying to think of something to do to celebrate your life. I haven't been able to come up with anything special enough yet but when I do you will be the first to know. I hope you know how much we love you and miss you everyday. When that day comes that I see you again I hope you know it's me. I love you baby girl...my sweet baby girl.
~Giovanna Jean~ October 16, 2010
It's hard to believe that a little over one month has passed since your birth and death. Some days it seems like eternity has passed since I held you in my arms and some days it seems like yesterday, I was complaining to your daddy about being pregnant and how I couldnt take much more of it...oh to have you safe and alive in my belly again. Never in a million years did I think we'd lose you. We were so excited to have a new baby girl to spoil and love. Your brothers and sisters couldnt wait to meet you, especially Joey, he was the 'baby' for so long we worried how he would act but he couldnt wait to bring you home. He was always worrying about me and wanting to feel you move...I'll never forget the one day he was feeling my belly and he said "MOM, I feel her paw" (he meant your foot). We couldnt decide on a name for you because we werent sure who youd look like mommy or daddy...if you looked like mommy you were going to be MacKenzie Jean (MJ or Mac for short) if you looked like daddy you were going to be Giovanna Jean (Gia). Needless to say you were your dad with dark hair and brown eyes. You were going to Jean no matter what after my Grandma B, who I'm sure youve meant by now and hopefully your in her arms. Jaden sumed up the day best in the car on the way home from the hospital when she said "this isnt what was suppose to happen" You are our precious baby girl, even though we only held you in our arms for a short time, we'll hold you in our hearts forever. We love and miss you every moment!
I love you baby girl!