Welcome to my blog....I started this blog to express my feeling in the life and death of my precious angel, Giovanna Jean. She will always be in our hearts....we love you baby girl!

If you have found my blog because you to have experienced a loss please take a moment to sign my guest book.

I'm writing this blog for me, to express my feelings in this difficult time, if I upset or offend you in anyway, sorry stop reading!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Today is Easter...it should have been Giovanna's 1st Easter, I shouldn't say it should have been, it was. Only she didn't spend it here with us, she spent it in heaven with Jesus. I've been in a bad mood all day, it took awhile before I realized (after I yelled at Nick b/c he brought me the wrong pan) it was because I miss my baby girl, I miss the memories we didn't get to make with her. I miss the fact that she's not here to enjoy all the traditions we have. I know she would be getting to the age where she would start to notice what goes on around her, maybe she would even be trying to crawl. I think she probably would have gotten a laugh out of the kids this morning. I try not to be sad when I think that this is the day that Christ was risen...that alone gives me great hope in seeing my baby girl again. I think about the pain that Christ endured and how Mary probably felt helplessly watching her son die for our sins, it makes me grateful for the life I have been given. I try to  count my blessings, be thankful for what I have and not dwell on what I don't but that doesn't make the pain of missing Giovanna any less, she's never far from my mind. I love my baby girl and look forward to the day I can hold her in my arms again. Happy Easter baby girl...mommy loves you!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Seven months...more then half a year, yet I remember it like yesterday. I have been so busy, this last month has flew by...I guess that's what happens time keeps on going even if you wish it would stand still. Sometimes when I think back to that September day it seems like a dream, one of those that you can't believe is happening. I remember being relatively calm when they were working on Giovanna, thinking this isn't happening...she's going to be ok, they're going to wrap her up and give her to me to hold any minute now. As we all know, that didn't happen, she wasn't ok, it was hours later when I got to hold my baby girl, wrapped up in a pink blanket. I think about how far I've come from those days right after we lost her, not knowing how I was going to make it through the day...it still hurts, the pain doesn't go away but it does get easier. I can talk about her, tell her story and think about who she would have been without getting upset. I think about her everyday and how our lives would be with her here with us....but I can't change it, as much as I wish I could, I can't change the past...it leaves me with no other choice then to accept that it happened, there are no do-overs in life, no matter how much we wish there were. I pray that God gives me the strength to go on knowing that one day we'll meet again.