Welcome to my blog....I started this blog to express my feeling in the life and death of my precious angel, Giovanna Jean. She will always be in our hearts....we love you baby girl!

If you have found my blog because you to have experienced a loss please take a moment to sign my guest book.

I'm writing this blog for me, to express my feelings in this difficult time, if I upset or offend you in anyway, sorry stop reading!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I don't even know where to begin....I am so frustrated at this point in my pregnancy. When I originally went to the Dr's I was given a due date of 10/16 and told that because of what happened with Giovanna they would induce me at 39 weeks...I'm still pregnant! After my anatomy scan at 18 weeks the Dr decided to move my due date back to 10/29 biased on that...the problem with this theory is it is proven that second trimester scans can be off 14 days either way. I expressed my concerns many of times to the 3 different Dr's that I see and was given 3 different opinions...keep original date, better safe then sorry...go with new date, it's rare that they are off (it's also a less then 1% chance that a baby with meconium will die and we all know how that ended up)...the 3rd Dr said biased on everything she felt confident in moving my due date to 10/20. I was content with that decision...not the 16 but close enough and I have delivered all of my babies at 41+ weeks. So every time I go to the Dr's I'm given some sort of run-around as to why they can't schedule my induction...according to the due date of 10/20 I was 39 weeks on 10/13 so when I went into my appointment expecting to be scheduled I was told..no we can't schedule you bc your not dilated...then the truth comes out...no one changed my due date back to 10/20 in my chart it's still listed as 10/29 so I'm not 39 weeks and the hospital will not allow the Dr's to schedule a elective induction until 39 weeks!
It makes me so made, I hear of people all of the time that deliver at 37+ weeks! I have had 5 babies that I have carried for a minium of 41 weeks each time, I fully understand that when the baby is ready it will come and I'm a firm believer of that but we lost our last baby because she was late. The risk of meconium increases as you go post dates...I understand it was rare...less then 1% but it happened to us....I just don't get why they Dr's can't seem to understand that! This is unnecessary stress that I don't need right now, it's hard enough to hold it together. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my daughter and wish that she was here with us. But she's not and its my reality that sometimes rare things happen I just don't want it to happen again. After losing Giovanna I have met many strong women who have been through horrible losses and while they have been a great support system it really opens your eyes to all of the things that can go wrong and it's hard not to stress about that. I just pray that soon this baby will be safe in our arms...it's already a special baby with it's own guardian angel!

Friday, October 14, 2011

Today makes 13 months since we had our baby girl. It amazes me that over a year has passed and I still remember the details of that day better then I can remember what happened this morning! I guess its because I have so few memories of Giovanna...I wish that I had more. I'm grateful that I got to meet my baby, hold her and love her for the short time that she was here...my heart breaks for other mothers who never had that opportunity. Even though Giovanna's time on earth was short she will be remembered and loved for eternity and I thank God that I was chosen to be her mother! I love and miss you baby girl!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I have been so busy since Sept. that I really haven't had a chance to blog. I joined the working force once school started with a temporary job as the preschool aid at my kids school until they could get someone full time. I figured it would get me out of the house and my mind off of the last few weeks of this pregnancy...I learned really quickly I'm a SAHM for a reason and I pray that I don't have to work again for a LONG time! I think it was best described the evening I told Nick all this working is getting in the way of my volunteering! Between working all day and running the kids to all there events in the evenings and week-ends there was no time to get anything done...I give working moms lots of credit...its not fun! Thankfully, I'm finally done and I can resume my place as a SAHM!