Welcome to my blog....I started this blog to express my feeling in the life and death of my precious angel, Giovanna Jean. She will always be in our hearts....we love you baby girl!

If you have found my blog because you to have experienced a loss please take a moment to sign my guest book.

I'm writing this blog for me, to express my feelings in this difficult time, if I upset or offend you in anyway, sorry stop reading!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The 14th snuck up on me this month it seems like it was just Christmas last week. Today marks 16 months since I held Giovanna in my arms...so much has happened in the last 16 months some days it feels like 16 years have passed others it feels like yesterday. Sixteen months later I still find myself thinking about Giovanna every day I can honestly say there has yet to be a day that I haven't thought about her. I still find myself searching the internet for meconium aspiration syndrome and the causes of it...for someone who has a story similar to ours, and I still haven't found one. Someone asked me the other day if we were done having babies..you get asked that a lot after number 6...i usually just say yeah...I learned 16 months ago it doesn't matter what I want God has a plan for me. But I really thought about it and I told them if Giovanna would have lived I still would have wanted one more because she was so much younger then
her siblings I wanted someone close for her to grow up with but since she is gone I don't feel that way I always thought I would have 6 kids and I do...she'll always be my baby. Tonight I took down her tree...it makes me sad to take down all the beautiful ornaments that were given to us to help remember her...we received a few new ones this year and it means so much to me to know that she wasn't forgotten. It makes me feel so good when I have someone remember her...I have a good friend who never forgets her 'birthday' that means so much to me. Gabriella found her smile this week and I'm sure I'm bias but I think its adorable...sometimes she looks over my shoulder and smiles I can't help but wonder if she's smiling at her Angel. I wish I could have gotten to see Giovanna's smile I bet it would have been beautiful. I wish I had something profound to say tonight but all I can really say is I love and miss you baby girl. Someday I will hold you again but until then please don't forget how special you are to me.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

As 2011 has came to an end I am filled with mixed emotions. I survived my first full year without my baby girl while I welcomed our new baby girl into this world. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to be a mother to both of these beautiful babies. As Gabriella grows I often think of Giovanna and the moments I didn't get to share with her. Sometimes when I look at Gabriella, I see Giovanna and that's odd to me because I never got to see Giovanna this big. One of my biggest fears when I was pregnant was that this baby would come out looking exactly like her big sister and I didn't know how I would handle that, thank God that didn't happen, she looked nothing like her. Giovanna was probably my prettiest baby and I think it was that way for a reason. It funny when we celebrated Giovanna's first birthday back in September I really didn't think that I was beginning my second year without her but now as 2012 begins I realize that I am. I know that no matter how much I wish I could have those moments with her back I never will, I will cherish my memories forever.