We went away this week-end with the kids to the Farm Show, it's something that we try to do every year with them. While we all had a good time I can honestly say the entire week-end I felt like something was missing. I know its not a something but a someone, my baby girl...she should have been with us, it should have been her first farm show, her first trip to a hotel. But it's not, I will never get those first times with her; her first smile, first laugh, her first reaction to the animals. The only first I got with her was the first and last time I got to meet her. I look at my kids and feel sadness because I will never get the moments I have with them with Giovanna; when she's in the car annoying her brothers or whining when are we going to be there. It just doesn't seem fair she's not here with us. It seems like babies are all around me....except mine. I miss her more then words can ever say, I wish for one more moment with her. I had a dream the other night that I was holding her and looking for something for her to wear, it seemed so real, I was frustrated because I couldn't find anything...then I remembered, I didn't have any clothes for her I gave them all away because she died. Sometimes it feels like a bad dream, I wish I could wake up and have her here with us...but its not, I cant, she's gone and it hurts so bad.