Today is Giovanna's 1st birthday...her Angelversary...a term I wish didn't exist. It blows my mind that a entire year has passed since I held her in my arms. This morning I woke up early and couldn't fall back asleep, all I could do is think about how a year ago at that time my labor was beginning...I remember how I wasn't sure if it was 'it' I woke Nick up and told him I thought he should stay home but I wasn't sure. By the time I was sure (about a hour later), my water had broke and I knew then that there was meconium in it...what I didn't know is that meconium would lead to her death....that in a few short hours I would be giving birth to my baby girl and then be told that there was nothing they could do for her. I became that person that I never thought I would...a mother to a baby in heaven.
Today was a emotional day as to be expected. I think I held it together very well for the most part, the children's mass at school was in memory of Giovanna. I worked all day so that was distraction (how could 15 four year olds not be). At the end of the day Jaden and her best friend came into our class room. Her friend had a birthday card that she made for Giovanna, at that point I lost it. She had written in the card is a verse from Psalm; 62:7...In God is my salvation and my glory, The rock of my strength, and my refuge, in in God. How could a child possibly know how true that was for me, without God to carry me through my darkest times I'm not sure how I would have made it. I know that in her short life Giovanna touched so many and that card from a 11 year old goes to show just how much.
The kids decided they wanted to have a birthday cake for Giovanna, Nick and I also wanted to but were unsure as to how the kids would react, so we got a ice cream cake (at Bubba's request). After dinner we had a little 'party' for Giovanna, we released balloons with messages to Giovanna and sung her happy birthday. The kids thought it would be best if we took the cake outside so she could 'blow out' her candle. It is heartbreaking to see my children grieving their baby sister...I wish that they didn't have to suffer this loss along with Nick and I, I wish that their baby sister was here annoying them.