The 14th snuck up on me this month it seems like it was just Christmas last week. Today marks 16 months since I held Giovanna in my arms...so much has happened in the last 16 months some days it feels like 16 years have passed others it feels like yesterday. Sixteen months later I still find myself thinking about Giovanna every day I can honestly say there has yet to be a day that I haven't thought about her. I still find myself searching the internet for meconium aspiration syndrome and the causes of it...for someone who has a story similar to ours, and I still haven't found one. Someone asked me the other day if we were done having babies..you get asked that a lot after number 6...i usually just say yeah...I learned 16 months ago it doesn't matter what I want God has a plan for me. But I really thought about it and I told them if Giovanna would have lived I still would have wanted one more because she was so much younger then
her siblings I wanted someone close for her to grow up with but since she is gone I don't feel that way I always thought I would have 6 kids and I do...she'll always be my baby. Tonight I took down her tree...it makes me sad to take down all the beautiful ornaments that were given to us to help remember her...we received a few new ones this year and it means so much to me to know that she wasn't forgotten. It makes me feel so good when I have someone remember her...I have a good friend who never forgets her 'birthday' that means so much to me. Gabriella found her smile this week and I'm sure I'm bias but I think its adorable...sometimes she looks over my shoulder and smiles I can't help but wonder if she's smiling at her Angel. I wish I could have gotten to see Giovanna's smile I bet it would have been beautiful. I wish I had something profound to say tonight but all I can really say is I love and miss you baby girl. Someday I will hold you again but until then please don't forget how special you are to me.

As 2011 has came to an end I am filled with mixed emotions. I survived my first full year without my baby girl while I welcomed our new baby girl into this world. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to be a mother to both of these beautiful babies. As Gabriella grows I often think of Giovanna and the moments I didn't get to share with her. Sometimes when I look at Gabriella, I see Giovanna and that's odd to me because I never got to see Giovanna this big. One of my biggest fears when I was pregnant was that this baby would come out looking exactly like her big sister and I didn't know how I would handle that, thank God that didn't happen, she looked nothing like her. Giovanna was probably my prettiest baby and I think it was that way for a reason. It funny when we celebrated Giovanna's first birthday back in September I really didn't think that I was beginning my second year without her but now as 2012 begins I realize that I am. I know that no matter how much I wish I could have those moments with her back I never will, I will cherish my memories forever.