Butterfly Release

Yesterday we went to the Angel Heart butterfly release at WP Hospital. It was the second time I have been back to there since we had Giovanna, on the way there I couldn't stop thinking about the drive home after Giovanna had passed and how emotional it was. I keep remembering how Jaden said, this isn't how it was suppose to be....according to us it wasn't how it was suppose to be but it was in His plan. It makes me realise that I shouldn't take a moment for granted, every second we have is truly a gift.
At the butterfly relase we were given flowers to plant in honor of our babies, we then went outside where there was a small service and a blessing of the flowers then we released the butterflies. In typical fashion, Joey opened his early to look at it and of course it flew away, he wouldn't be our son if he was doing what he's suppose to! It's heartbreaking to be around all of those people who have lost a child for whatever reason. When we were leaving we were given a ceramic butterfly with a poem on it that I would like to share.
As a butterfly graces our lives with a moment of beauty,
so has our baby's presence for a day, month, a year, or a short sweet flickering moment.
May you find peace & joy with each butterfly that flies in the beautiful sky,
knowing your baby lives in the hearts of everyone they have touched.
I know that Giovanna lives in many hearts!

I know this is late we were on vacation last week.

Nine months has passed since I held my baby girl....9 months means that she has been gone longer then she existed, that's hard to believe.  The kids and I spent the day on vacation, we went out on a boat to look for dolphins and then spent the afternoon at the zoo...I couldn't help myself in wondering how she would have liked it. I think about her everyday, how much I wish she was here with us instead of watching over us...what she would be like, who she would look like, I don't think I'll every stop wondering who she would have been. I can always wonder and someday I will see her and know. I love and miss you baby girl!

As school's ending for the year and summer vacation is beginning I can't help but think about how different I thought this summer would be. It was going to be the first summer in a long time that we had a baby, I imagine that Giovanna would have been learning to crawl and walk and truly enjoy her siblings. We're getting ready to go on vacation next week to the same beach that we have been to every summer since Bailee was a year old, I can't help but think back to last year when we were there trying to do all the things that we wouldn't be able to do this year because we would have a baby with us...we'll be doing those same things again this year, because our baby is with us only in our hearts. Since Giovanna died I find it hard to 'plan' for tomorrow, because I'm never sure if tomorrow will come...I guess in a way its a good thing, it makes me realize how fragile life is and that I shouldn't take anything for granted.